You Have My Attention

I've lost all desire to write. I'm not sure of the right things to say. I'm not sure of the wrong things to say. I feel like everyday I get a bit more and more inward. I don't want to talk about my feelings anymore.

I've hit another transition and am not sure if I am ready to do this.
So, I will do what I do best, play with music and display my strange taste in music to everyone.


What you do is put your MP3 player, whatever maker it is, on shuffle. Then, each time there is a new question, move to the next song and use the title as the answer.

1. What would describe your personality? Moab-Conor Oberst
"There's nothing that the road cannot heal "... A nice drive makes a everything good.

2. What do you like in a guy/girl? Beautiful Disaster-Kelly Clarkson.
I think that sums up all of my relationships. I'm a bit passionate, enthused, spontaneous and confusing as hell.

3. How do you feel, today? Let it Go- Blue October.
Hmmmph.

4. What’s your life’s purpose? Sex and Candy- Marcy Playground.
Hehe. I AM a sweet tooth.

5. What is your motto? Driftwood: A Fairy Tale- Cursive.
And she would cry, "Liar, liar! What have I done? You're no lover, and I'm no fighter."

6. What do your friends think of you? This Song Brought to You by a Falling Bomb- Thursday.
"I'm not answering the phone -- let it ring. Lately I've been feeling like a falling bomb. The ground is getting closer and the sky is falling down."

7. What do you think of your parents? Drink!-They Might Be Giants
My family is only bearable with drinks.

8. What do you think about very often? Vegetable-Radiohead.
I do love me some greens!!

9. What do you think of your best friend? Cloud- Fischerspooner
A bit airy?

10. What do you think of the person you like? Memory-Sugarcult
Just a memory.....

11. What is your life story? Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots- Flaming Lips
I won't let those evil robots win.

12. What do you want to be when you grow up? Paperbag- Goldfrapp.
It's obvious, an alcoholic!!

13. What do you think when you see the person you like? Terrified Heart- Poe
"You there? Are you sleeping? I'm so bummed. I'll sing a little song and maybe...you'll pick up. Sometimes, I'm terrified of my heart. Of its constant hunger for whatever it is it wants."

Perfect.

14. What do your parents think of you? Won't Wash- Hot Chip
Ugh!!! I bathe ALL THE TIME!!!

15. What will be played at your funeral? Sasquatch- Tenacious D
Great. I can turn this positive and assume it means that once I'm gone I'll be a LEGEND.

16.What is your hobby/interest? Drunk Sincerity- Bad Religion
Can we say, drunk dialing/sweet talking?

17. What is your biggest secret? Nobody Puts Baby in The Corner (acoustic) - Fall Out Boy

"Keep quiet, Nothing comes as easy as you. Can I lay in your bed all day? I'll be your best kept secret and your biggest mistake. The hand behind this pen relives a failure every day"

18. What do you think of your friends? Sucked Out- Superdrag
"Look around, could it bring somebody down, if I never made a sound again?"

19. What should you post this as? You Have My Attention- Copeland.

I hope I had your attention temporarily.

Anxious...

Green with envy

First off, I don't give a damn about Zac Efron. But I was flipping through my Google Reader and Perez Hilton had an Efron sighting.

What caught my attention?

Vanessa Hudgens in a men's hoodie. Probably the boyfriend's.

I miss that.

I miss having comfy nights where you just lounge, cook together and watch movies.

And wear his clothes when you run out to get something. Damn you Vanessa Hudgens and anyone else out there who is taking their cuddle nights for granted.

Soundtrack to my life

Opening Credit: Coldplay, Don't Panic
(I love the sound of Chris Martin inhaling in some versions)

Waking Up: The Beatles, Blackbird/Yesterday from the Love album

Average Day: Green Day, Macy's Day Parade

First Date: Gym Class Heroes, Clothes Off
(Note: I'm mostly kidding.)

Falling in Love: Beyonce, Crazy in Love (polka remix)

Love Scene: The All American Rejects, Dance Inside

Fight Scene: Tsunami Bomb, Russian Roulette

Breaking Up: Brand New, Play Crack The Sky

Getting Back Together: Travis, Love Will Come Through

Secret Love: Bob Marley, Is This Love
(note: this was my secret love's ringtone on my phone. Until one day he called when we were looking for my phone and heard it...)

Life's Okay: The Beatles, Hey Jude

Mental Breakdown: Mono, Life in Mono (Alice Band Remix)

Driving: Sigur Ros, Sven-g-englar

Learning a Lesson: Death Cab for Cutie, A Lack of Color

Deep Thought: Brazilian Girls, Long

Flashback: Atmosphere, Gotta Lotta Walls

Partying: Uffie, Ready to Uff

Happy Dance: The Beatles, Obladi Oblada

Regretting: The Rocket Summer, High Life (from Dead and Dreaming, the Indie Tribute to the Counting Crows)

Long Night Alone: Mazzy Star, Flowers in December

Death Scene: Paolo Nutini, Rewind

Closing Credits: Eels, Love of the Loveless

Getting to know me more

"Well, I put so much thought into getting ready
Now I know that was the best part
It's so easy to get caught up in what I'm regretting
Forget what I got from a wounded heart

I'm the one who likes Gardenia
I'm the one who likes to make love on the floor
I don't want to hang up the phone yet
It's been good
Getting to know me more

I've been seeing all my old friends in the city
Walking alone in Central Park
Doing all the things that I've neglected
Traded 'em all in
To be in your arms

Well, I hear my own voice
Sounds so silly
Keep on telling my story all around
Everything I lost seems so different
Well, this is how everybody gets found..."

Mandy Moore
Gardenia

Ode to pussy(cat)

I have decided to write about one of my longest, most passionate loves. My damn feline.
Her name originally was Checkers. And then Checky. And then Checky Chan, the rad ninja cat. And now she will respond (glare at you) by Kiki or CeeCee.

My best friend from 8th grade had her from when she was a kitten to about 4 years old. And suddenly his dad decided to get married during our sophomore year. The demon woman his dad was marrying was 'allergic' and I overheard a conversation from her to her daughter that was along the lines of, "We are taking her in to get euthanized and we will tell the boys she ran away."
There is no way in hell that cat would run away, she knows where she gets fed.

So, I adopted the pussycat when my best friend/his brother and dad moved in with the hagwoman. CC hid under all the beds for her first week here. I wanted a cuddly cat so I braved her claws, hissing and biting and MADE her love me. A few shredded towels and hours later of watching TV together, she became very accustomed to being held and touched. Now CC is a very aggressive cuddler. When she wants it, she will damn near maul your face to be noticed.

She still lives up to her ninja name. She has cat fights with the neighbor cats every evening around 2 am. And always comes home with all her skin, hair and eyes.

Kiki has a litter box, but prefers to not use it if she can find a cracked window or bolt out when someone opens the door. Which is great with me, I prefer not to scoop her shit and change dirty gravel every couple days.

CC really doesn't like the heat. She will paw at the door, go out and be back in minutes for her morning/mid-morning/afternoon/evening nap on the sofa in the Central Air. Same with snow.

Checky eats on the table. ON. My family used to have a teacup and toy poodle who loved cat food but it would make them pretty sick. So my family would feed her on a back corner of the table where they had no chance of jumping up there. We almost never use our kitchen table anyways for those of you feeling grossed out. The poodles have passed and she still eats up there. Princess habits are hard to break.

She had a problem this spring where something was irritating her and she ripped out all the hair she could reach on her back, leaving a 2 inch wide and 5 inch long strip BALD. But it's back now and she doesn't look like an alopecia cat anymore. I gave her a bath to soothe her bald skin. ONCE. Used the shower head that is on a hose. And put a tall laundry basket over her for most of it. Scariest thing I'd done all of June.

CC loved our bunny. Loved to tease him by gently swatting at him through his wire cage and watch him intently when I let the bunsy out. The day bunny died and I buried him in the garden, CC was peering around all the corners where his cage was. She is left with no one but the neighbor's cats and children to tease.

All in all, my cat is great. I never saw myself as a cat person but I love the lil' girl. Sweet and feisty.

Buns

I have had no inspiration to write lately. It's all been lyrics and nonsense.
I'm getting a new iPod this summer, mine is packed to the brim and I require more space.


"I love you THIS much, no lie..."

Sleep

I still hate it. I have nightmares.

Rest

I need some sleep.

I can’t go on like this.
I try counting sheep,
But there’s one I always miss.

I need some sleep
time to put the old horse down
I’m in too deep
and the wheels keep spinning round

Everyone says I’m getting down too low
Everyone says: "You just gotta let it go"
"You just gotta let it go"
I just gotta let it go

You just gotta let it go....
The Eels

I am not sleeping. Not for the fact that I am out doing too much or am much too busy.
I just CAN'T. I am not ever very tired. My mind is always running....

I lay here and just get itchy/hot/cold/angry/impatient/lumps in the bed, whatever.
If I start to look like hell because I'm not getting proper rest, someone please notify me.

Independence

Took this at Murray Park last night.

I didn't light a single firework with my own hands. Which is good because for the past two years, Kiesha has always had an artillery of dangerous explosives for this holiday. The firecrackers off the balcony? The Roman Candle off the balcony? (She lived on the top floor and we couldn't really bring ourselves to walk downstairs.) The firecrackers later in the watermelon? Last year was similar but it was on a busy street and we saw no harm in lighting the fireworks while cars passed by.

I just had a strange thought. How do you think Will Smith and Jeff Goldblum feel every 4th of July? Do you think they wake up and have a little snicker/scoff?

Good times, good times. I'm off to the pool.
Hope everyone celebrated their independence in a safe way!!

Soothe...

For the first time in many years, I picked up a guitar with intention to play. An old friend tried to give me lessons and I got so frustrated cause I felt like my hands were too small. I would pay to go back to that moment and redo it. And if you are that old friend that tried to teach me while sitting on your bed one summer, give me another go. You were an very patient teacher, even if the first song I wanted to learn was 'Wipe Out'.

I learned this song tonight but can't get it to perfection cause I can't get the guitar to tune perfectly. You know who you are. Bust out the guitars and try again. I won't be so stubborn this time, promise.

"Do what you want, but I know who you are
Say what you want, but I know what you're thinking
Go where you want, but I won't be too far
Go where you want, and I know where you'll end up

If you fall in love
Fall in love and hold nothing back
Fall in love
Fall in love and hold nothing back from you"